| Tagged in: Loss | Jun 18, 2009 |
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| Posted by: Deborah Donndelinger |
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Whether we are the adults getting divorced, the young children of the divorced parents, or even the adult children of divorced parents, divorce matters.
For the adults getting divorced, there are the usual feelings of guilt, relief, grief, betrayal all mixed up in one. For the children, there is often a hidden feeling of not being wanted. Even if the divorce was for the best, and the parents are attentive and supportive, there is often a left-over feeling of the marriage being a mistake. And if the marriage was a mistake, then the children are a mistake – or at least, that’s how they feel.
It takes conscious effort to reinforce that the children are a product of love, even if the parents can’t stand each other. The key to this is seeing the love that created the children, even if the relationship is over. Sometimes this shift can happen with a few rounds of tapping. Sometimes there are more hidden dynamics interfering with the flow of love. This tapping script below will help get you started.
This tapping is for the parents.
Set-Up Phrase
Even though I can't stand my ex, I accept how I feel.
Even though I don't want to look at my ex, I accept how I feel.
Even though when I look at my children, I sometimes see my ex, I accept the conflict that I feel of love and disgust.
The Points
Eyebrow: My children are part me and part my ex.
Side of the Eye: How can I love them 100% when they are only 50% me.
Under the Eye: I'm trying really hard but there's this internal conflict.
Nose: I can't stand my ex.
Chin: Sometime I can't stand my kids!
Collarbone: I feel so guilty.
Under the arm: I am doing the best I can.
Head: And it doesn't feel like enough!
Switching to the positive when you are ready ...
Eyebrow: What if I can see the love we had together?
Side of the Eye: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Under the Eye: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Nose: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Chin: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Collarbone: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Under the arm: When I look at my children, I see the love we had together.
Head: The marriage might be over, but the beautiful creation of that marriage still lives.
Want More?
If this touched you but you still feel blocked, I invite you to my August 27th Family Energetics Workshop on Divorce, Former Partners and Lost Loves. It's a powerful approach to make the energetic space for your children to feel like they have the best of both of their parents.
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written by Deborah D., June 27, 2009
Those reframes all would be appropriate affirmations for future tapping but in my experience often aren't needed. The tapping I'm recommending gets to the underlying cause of divorce dysfunction.
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written by Deborah D., June 28, 2009
First of all, we always meet the client where they are -- so I definitely would offer reframes that the client was comfortable with.
However, the belief I hold is that with any conception, there is universal love present. Even if at a human level, there is no apparent love, there is still a love at a deeper energetic level. I know this, I see it, I feel it. My desire is to help clients access that feeling as well. I would never impose a belief that didn't work for them. So absolutely Rachel, there are many reframes that would be appropriate for different situations.
Thanks for caring!
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written by rachel geller, June 28, 2009
I guess the biggest proof is with EFT - if sometimes we do manage to peel off the layers and see that only good was intended, does this show that the heart of everything is always good? Or not?
And yet - I find it so hard to hold onto this belief. I'm so used to thinking of good and bad behaviour/thoughts/beliefs as opposites; not as layers/stages.
Thank you even more!
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great script. I would have reframed the positive as : when i look at my children, i trust them, i trust myself, i'm trying to forgive the past, i'm sad about what happened, i'm looking forwards, i'm hoping for better, i'm trusting in them and trusting in the process, life includes change, some decisions are hard and some are easy, some are painful, some are clear, some seem bad, some seem good, this is where we are now, and i'd like to feel love for everyone involved, we're safe as we are right now.